SELF-consciousness

I have been thinking about self-consciousness. It all started a few days ago when I was doing some research on the art of small-talking. A close friend is in a socially demanding professional position while being an introvert and admitted to having major difficulty in connecting in the short time frames of passing conversation. I too am an introvert, but do to several years in sales/ management positions have become (almost) totally fearless in striking up conversations. As I was trying to find a resource to assist in this process I read something that TOTALLY fascinated me and sent my mind meandering down the implications trail. The article said something about how successful small talk was based in EMPATHY. This resounded with me because I have always been empathetic - crying when other kids cried in school etc. And I recognize that my social mode is based in combating somebody else's discomfort. So I tend to act more accessible, less intellectual, and more friendly, smiley or silly than I am naturally when I first meet people in order to lessen the threshold of their communication comfort. My sisters find it horrifically awkward. And I remember the first time my husband saw me in action (a couple of college girls were working as Miller Lite promoters, and I struck up a conversation and we bonded over their college plans) and mentioned something about how it was like a different person was sitting next to him.
Well I recognize this is good and bad. While able to connect with people on THEIR level...I often feel like I am not connecting on MY level. I have had entire relationships where people did not know I was an artist, musician, science aficionado, etc etc. And that is difficult for me still to work from point A - the comfort threshold, to point B - real interpersonal relating. BUT I have also had MANY passing meetings and longer relationships where people point out that they do not connect with others the way they do with me. A good friend once was passing in the hall and we started a nice faith conversation, and she exclaimed that she did not have those with other friends. And that was validating. That is what I want - imperfect but worthwhile.
But I digress. My point is that I am fascinated by the idea that self-consciousness competes with empathy. I was HORRIFICALLY self-consciousness during undergrad. I remember early-on being invited to a bowling outing and I went down to the lobby where we were supposed to meet and became so disabled by fear that I hid in the bathroom until I heard everyone leave. At the root of that experience was a real and dishonest self-obsession. I was so worried about myself (appearance composure etc) that I could not set myself aside to connect with others. Fortunately, life removed me from that role. In speaking to my friend about how they were feeling, I recognized that old familiar sensation of self-consciousness. They were not seeing past themselves to others...they were stuck in themselves and therein paralyzed.
As Christians we are asked (well demanded really) to get outside ourselves and connect with others. When I committed to Christ a couple of years ago I realized that I needed to get to know Him. One of the things I had trouble finding in my readings and the sermons I heard was a sense of Christ's necessary charisma. Christ looked at people and their lives were changed. I can imagine what that felt like...how I wish I could have been there to see Him! He said a simple thing and they left their life and followed him all over their known countryside. They left behind family, society, wealth...and followed him through danger and hunger and their own shortcomings. The Bible describes that they did so because they felt connected to Him as though they could not survive without that look, that presence, those words.
As Christians, we must understand the requirement to adopt, accept and fill this role with others inside and outside our community. When Christians are coldly judgemental and tell others they cannot belong to Christ because of their mistakes or lack of belief or differences from Christ, I am saddened because we are not being the eyes, words and presence of Christ. When Christians are introverted, and come and go defensively in the world I am again reminded that we are not being the eyes, words, and presence of Christ. Christ challenged, and called and touched and loved and EMPATHIZED and therefore so must we.
So when you pass somebody in the hall and say something like "good morning", say it with the heartfelt empathy of desiring their blessing. And if conversation is allowed to develop with someone, make it known that you care for them and their well-being. Do not be self-centered in your self-consciousness. Adopt the role of the Christ and light up their moment in love.